It is not possible for everyone to be best at everything. What I would do is inform all children that there isn't anything more important than getting as good an education as possible. I would remind them of that as often as necessary. I would inform all children that it is best for them to become as good as possible at science and at mathematics. I would also inform them that it is best for them to read the best fiction books that have ever been written. I would tell them that those books are mentioned in articles on literature in most encyclopedias. And I would tell them that it is necessary to study philosophy as well as science, mathematics and art.
--- In Politics_CurrentEvents_Group@yahoogroups.com, Bruce Majors <majors.bruce@...> wrote:
>
> Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior Can a regimen of no playdates, no TV, no
> computer games and hours of music practice create happy kids? And what
> happens when they fight back?
>
>
> By AMY CHUA<http://online.wsj.com/search/term.html?KEYWORDS=AMY+CHUA&bylinesearch=true>
>
> A lot of people wonder how Chinese parents raise such stereotypically
> successful kids. They wonder what these parents do to produce so many math
> whizzes and music prodigies, what it's like inside the family, and whether
> they could do it too. Well, I can tell them, because I've done it. Here are
> some things my daughters, Sophia and Louisa, were never allowed to do:
>
> View Full Image
> [image: CAU cover]
> Erin Patrice O'Brien for The Wall Street Journal
>
> Amy Chua with her daughters, Louisa and Sophia, at their home in New Haven,
> Conn.
> [image: CAU cover]
> [image: CAU cover]
>
> • attend a sleepover
>
> • have a playdate
>
> • be in a school play
>
> • complain about not being in a school play
>
> • watch TV or play computer games
>
> • choose their own extracurricular activities
>
> • get any grade less than an A
>
> • not be the No. 1 student in every subject except gym and drama
>
> • play any instrument other than the piano or violin
>
> • not play the piano or violin.
>
> I'm using the term "Chinese mother" loosely. I know some Korean, Indian,
> Jamaican, Irish and Ghanaian parents who qualify too. Conversely, I know
> some mothers of Chinese heritage, almost always born in the West, who are
> not Chinese mothers, by choice or otherwise. I'm also using the term
> "Western parents" loosely. Western parents come in all varieties.
> Ideas Market <http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/>
>
> *The Tiger Mother Responds to
> Readers<http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/01/13/the-tiger-mother-responds-to-readers/>
> *
>
> *Chua's Daughter Sophia Explains What Life isReally With her 'Tiger
> Mom'<http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/01/18/the-tiger-cub-roars/>
> *
>
> *An Asian Father's GIft: Permission to
> Fail<http://blogs.wsj.com/ideas-market/2011/01/18/an-asian-father%EF%BF%BD%EF%BF%BD%EF%BF%BDs-gift-permission-to-fail/>
> *
>
> Ms. Chua answers questions from Journal readers who wrote in to the Ideas
> Market blog.
>
> All the same, even when Western parents think they're being strict, they
> usually don't come close to being Chinese mothers. For example, my Western
> friends who consider themselves strict make their children practice their
> instruments 30 minutes every day. An hour at most. For a Chinese mother, the
> first hour is the easy part. It's hours two and three that get tough.
>
> <http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html#>
>
> When it comes to parenting, the Chinese seem to produce children who display
> academic excellence, musical mastery and professional success - or so the
> stereotype goes. WSJ's Christina Tsuei speaks to two moms raised by Chinese
> immigrants who share what it was like growing up and how they hope to raise
> their children.
> More Parenting Videos
>
> Teaching Math to Spark Creative
> Thinking<http://online.wsj.com/video/teaching-math-to-spark-creative-thinking/AC03BCF2-3298-4801-80E6-78A6EE76E57C.html>
>
> Can Bilingualism Make Preschoolers
> Smarter?<http://online.wsj.com/video/can-bilingualism-make-preschoolers-smarter/708AB4AE-E286-445D-A491-3E413A750E0C.html>
>
> Despite our squeamishness about cultural stereotypes, there are tons of
> studies out there showing marked and quantifiable differences between
> Chinese and Westerners when it comes to parenting. In one study of 50
> Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the
> Western mothers said either that "stressing academic success is not good for
> children" or that "parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun." By
> contrast, roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way. Instead, the
> vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children
> can be "the best" students, that "academic achievement reflects successful
> parenting," and that if children did not excel at school then there was "a
> problem" and parents "were not doing their job." Other studies indicate that
> compared to Western parents, Chinese parents spend approximately 10 times as
> long every day drilling academic activities with their children. By
> contrast, Western kids are more likely to participate in sports teams.
> Journal Community
>
>
> What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you're good at
> it. To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own
> never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their
> preferences. This often requires fortitude on the part of the parents
> because the child will resist; things are always hardest at the beginning,
> which is where Western parents tend to give up. But if done properly, the
> Chinese strategy produces a virtuous circle. Tenacious practice, practice,
> practice is crucial for excellence; rote repetition is underrated in
> America. Once a child starts to excel at something—whether it's math, piano,
> pitching or ballet—he or she gets praise, admiration and satisfaction. This
> builds confidence and makes the once not-fun activity fun. This in turn
> makes it easier for the parent to get the child to work even more.
>
> Chinese parents can get away with things that Western parents can't. Once
> when I was young—maybe more than once—when I was extremely disrespectful to
> my mother, my father angrily called me "garbage" in our native Hokkien
> dialect. It worked really well. I felt terrible and deeply ashamed of what I
> had done. But it didn't damage my self-esteem or anything like that. I knew
> exactly how highly he thought of me. I didn't actually think I was worthless
> or feel like a piece of garbage.
>
> View Full Image
> [image: chau inside]
> Chua family
>
> From Ms. Chua's album: 'Mean me with Lulu in hotel room... with score taped
> to TV!'
> [image: chau inside]
> [image: chau inside]
>
> As an adult, I once did the same thing to Sophia, calling her garbage in
> English when she acted extremely disrespectfully toward me. When I mentioned
> that I had done this at a dinner party, I was immediately ostracized. One
> guest named Marcy got so upset she broke down in tears and had to leave
> early. My friend Susan, the host, tried to rehabilitate me with the
> remaining guests.
>
> The fact is that Chinese parents can do things that would seem
> unimaginable—even legally actionable—to Westerners. Chinese mothers can say
> to their daughters, "Hey fatty—lose some weight." By contrast, Western
> parents have to tiptoe around the issue, talking in terms of "health" and
> never ever mentioning the f-word, and their kids still end up in therapy for
> eating disorders and negative self-image. (I also once heard a Western
> father toast his adult daughter by calling her "beautiful and incredibly
> competent." She later told me that made her feel like garbage.)
>
> Chinese parents can order their kids to get straight As. Western parents can
> only ask their kids to try their best. Chinese parents can say, "You're
> lazy. All your classmates are getting ahead of you." By contrast, Western
> parents have to struggle with their own conflicted feelings about
> achievement, and try to persuade themselves that they're not disappointed
> about how their kids turned out.
>
> I've thought long and hard about how Chinese parents can get away with what
> they do. I think there are three big differences between the Chinese and
> Western parental mind-sets.
> [image: [chau inside]]Chua family
>
> Newborn Amy Chua in her mother's arms, a year after her parents arrived in
> the U.S.
>
> First, I've noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their
> children's self-esteem. They worry about how their children will feel if
> they fail at something, and they constantly try to reassure their children
> about how good they are notwithstanding a mediocre performance on a test or
> at a recital. In other words, Western parents are concerned about their
> children's psyches. Chinese parents aren't. They assume strength, not
> fragility, and as a result they behave very differently.
>
> For example, if a child comes home with an A-minus on a test, a Western
> parent will most likely praise the child. The Chinese mother will gasp in
> horror and ask what went wrong. If the child comes home with a B on the
> test, some Western parents will still praise the child. Other Western
> parents will sit their child down and express disapproval, but they will be
> careful not to make their child feel inadequate or insecure, and they will
> not call their child "stupid," "worthless" or "a disgrace." Privately, the
> Western parents may worry that their child does not test well or have
> aptitude in the subject or that there is something wrong with the curriculum
> and possibly the whole school. If the child's grades do not improve, they
> may eventually schedule a meeting with the school principal to challenge the
> way the subject is being taught or to call into question the teacher's
> credentials.
>
> If a Chinese child gets a B—which would never happen—there would first be a
> screaming, hair-tearing explosion. The devastated Chinese mother would then
> get dozens, maybe hundreds of practice tests and work through them with her
> child for as long as it takes to get the grade up to an A.
>
> Chinese parents demand perfect grades because they believe that their child
> can get them. If their child doesn't get them, the Chinese parent assumes
> it's because the child didn't work hard enough. That's why the solution to
> substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child.
> The Chinese parent believes that their child will be strong enough to take
> the shaming and to improve from it. (And when Chinese kids do excel, there
> is plenty of ego-inflating parental praise lavished in the privacy of the
> home.)
>
> View Full Image
> [image: chau inside]
> Chua family
>
> Sophia playing at Carnegie Hall in 2007.
> [image: chau inside]
> [image: chau inside]
>
> Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The
> reason for this is a little unclear, but it's probably a combination of
> Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and
> done so much for their children. (And it's true that Chinese mothers get in
> the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training,
> interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that
> Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying
> them and making them proud.
>
> By contrast, I don't think most Westerners have the same view of children
> being permanently indebted to their parents. My husband, Jed, actually has
> the opposite view. "Children don't choose their parents," he once said to
> me. "They don't even choose to be born. It's parents who foist life on their
> kids, so it's the parents' responsibility to provide for them. Kids don't
> owe their parents anything. Their duty will be to their own kids." This
> strikes me as a terrible deal for the Western parent.
>
> Third, Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their
> children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and
> preferences. That's why Chinese daughters can't have boyfriends in high
> school and why Chinese kids can't go to sleepaway camp. It's also why no
> Chinese kid would ever dare say to their mother, "I got a part in the school
> play! I'm Villager Number Six. I'll have to stay after school for rehearsal
> every day from 3:00 to 7:00, and I'll also need a ride on weekends." God
> help any Chinese kid who tried that one.
>
> Don't get me wrong: It's not that Chinese parents don't care about their
> children. Just the opposite. They would give up anything for their children.
> It's just an entirely different parenting model.
> Read More
>
> - *A Cartoonist on Tiger
> Parenthood<http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2011/01/13/battle-hymn-of-the-tiger-mother-a-cartoonist-responds/>
> *
> - *In China, Not All Practice Tough
> Love<http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059720804985228.html>
> *
> - *The Juggle: Are U.S. Parents Too
> Soft?<http://blogs.wsj.com/juggle/2011/01/07/are-us-parents-too-soft/>
> *
>
> Here's a story in favor of coercion, Chinese-style. Lulu was about 7, still
> playing two instruments, and working on a piano piece called "The Little
> White Donkey" by the French composer Jacques Ibert. The piece is really
> cute—you can just imagine a little donkey ambling along a country road with
> its master—but it's also incredibly difficult for young players because the
> two hands have to keep schizophrenically different rhythms.
>
> Lulu couldn't do it. We worked on it nonstop for a week, drilling each of
> her hands separately, over and over. But whenever we tried putting the hands
> together, one always morphed into the other, and everything fell apart.
> Finally, the day before her lesson, Lulu announced in exasperation that she
> was giving up and stomped off.
>
> "Get back to the piano now," I ordered.
>
> "You can't make me."
>
> "Oh yes, I can."
>
> Back at the piano, Lulu made me pay. She punched, thrashed and kicked. She
> grabbed the music score and tore it to shreds. I taped the score back
> together and encased it in a plastic shield so that it could never be
> destroyed again. Then I hauled Lulu's dollhouse to the car and told her I'd
> donate it to the Salvation Army piece by piece if she didn't have "The
> Little White Donkey" perfect by the next day. When Lulu said, "I thought you
> were going to the Salvation Army, why are you still here?" I threatened her
> with no lunch, no dinner, no Christmas or Hanukkah presents, no birthday
> parties for two, three, four years. When she still kept playing it wrong, I
> told her she was purposely working herself into a frenzy because she was
> secretly afraid she couldn't do it. I told her to stop being lazy, cowardly,
> self-indulgent and pathetic.
>
> Jed took me aside. He told me to stop insulting Lulu—which I wasn't even
> doing, I was just motivating her—and that he didn't think threatening Lulu
> was helpful. Also, he said, maybe Lulu really just couldn't do the
> technique—perhaps she didn't have the coordination yet—had I considered that
> possibility?
>
> "You just don't believe in her," I accused.
>
> "That's ridiculous," Jed said scornfully. "Of course I do."
>
> "Sophia could play the piece when she was this age."
>
> "But Lulu and Sophia are different people," Jed pointed out.
>
> "Oh no, not this," I said, rolling my eyes. "Everyone is special in their
> special own way," I mimicked sarcastically. "Even losers are special in
> their own special way. Well don't worry, you don't have to lift a finger.
> I'm willing to put in as long as it takes, and I'm happy to be the one
> hated. And you can be the one they adore because you make them pancakes and
> take them to Yankees games."
>
> I rolled up my sleeves and went back to Lulu. I used every weapon and tactic
> I could think of. We worked right through dinner into the night, and I
> wouldn't let Lulu get up, not for water, not even to go to the bathroom. The
> house became a war zone, and I lost my voice yelling, but still there seemed
> to be only negative progress, and even I began to have doubts.
>
> Then, out of the blue, Lulu did it. Her hands suddenly came together—her
> right and left hands each doing their own imperturbable thing—just like
> that.
>
> Lulu realized it the same time I did. I held my breath. She tried it
> tentatively again. Then she played it more confidently and faster, and still
> the rhythm held. A moment later, she was beaming.
>
> "Mommy, look—it's easy!" After that, she wanted to play the piece over and
> over and wouldn't leave the piano. That night, she came to sleep in my bed,
> and we snuggled and hugged, cracking each other up. When she performed "The
> Little White Donkey" at a recital a few weeks later, parents came up to me
> and said, "What a perfect piece for Lulu—it's so spunky and so*her*."
> Journal Community <http://online.wsj.com/community>
>
> - DISCUSS<http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html?mod=WSJ_LifeStyle_Lifestyle_5#articleTabs%3Dcomments>
>
> "I am in disbelief after reading this
> article.<http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052748704111504576059713528698754.html?mod=WSJ_LifeStyle_Lifestyle_5#articleTabs%3Dcomments>
> "
>
> —James Post
>
> Even Jed gave me credit for that one. Western parents worry a lot about
> their children's self-esteem. But as a parent, one of the worst things you
> can do for your child's self-esteem is to let them give up. On the flip
> side, there's nothing better for building confidence than learning you can
> do something you thought you couldn't.
>
> There are all these new books out there portraying Asian mothers as
> scheming, callous, overdriven people indifferent to their kids' true
> interests. For their part, many Chinese secretly believe that they care more
> about their children and are willing to sacrifice much more for them than
> Westerners, who seem perfectly content to let their children turn out badly.
> I think it's a misunderstanding on both sides. All decent parents want to do
> what's best for their children. The Chinese just have a totally different
> idea of how to do that.
>
> Western parents try to respect their children's individuality, encouraging
> them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing
> positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese
> believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for
> the future, letting them see what they're capable of, and arming them with
> skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.
>
> —Amy Chua is a professor at Yale Law School and author of "Day of Empire"
> and "World on Fire: How Exporting Free Market Democracy Breeds Ethnic Hatred
> and Global Instability." This essay is excerpted from "Battle Hymn of the
> Tiger Mother" by Amy Chua, to be published Tuesday by the Penguin Press, a
> member of Penguin Group (USA) Inc. Copyright © 2011 by Amy Chua
>
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